Fear is the heart of love

wow so, i haven't used this in so long. haha, my computer got all screwy, and i lost my photoshop but i got it back so i'm thinking about making graphics. I'm having a baby, i'm 6 months along. I'm out of school..I'm with michaeljames<3

okay, so not a lot has happened really since the last entry. i am now a maker
at graphixcraze and xplicitgraphix

i'm not posting as much as i use to, but i'm doing graphics at fabfreebies and you can catch me there. 

so i have decided to live life as it comes to me, i'm sick of thinking that my problems are the only problems in the world. i'm just going to sit back, relax, and let life hit me in the face. =) which is quite an improvement for me.

okay, so going through a hard time is what teens do right? i guess so, i'm done with eric and his bullshit. after two years of dating we can't be friends because he thinks i'll fuck with his new girlfriend and wants to reel her in before i tell her anything bad about him. i think i'm jealous, probably. seems it, huh? yes, well after you love someone through thick and thin after two years and they just decide to not even talk to you, it kind of fucking hurts. well, i hope you have a good life with her, and i'm going to be the stronger person and tell you i am sorry i hurt you and i will always be there for you, even if you are with her. i love you, always and forever like i promised.


the end.
kapoot.
done.

okay so i just got my journal back. Alright so if you've read my journal, there was a lot about paul and eric, and well paul is my friend now and eric i don't know what is up with him. We've dated for two years and four months and then he started being different and things just faded away. I know i'm only 16 and this is probably not that big of a deal but, eh i don't know. If you read back to my eighth grade journal lol, you'll see stuff about a guy named mike that i liked, we are best friends now and will be forever. I love him to death, and i've loved him since i first met him. i'm getting back into my old stuff like web graphics and designing and stuff, so if you're looking for things just hit me up on OMG lets diisco on AIM. i'm always on.


just an update.

Whoa, long long time since i've wrote in this thing. Alright, things are great with the boy. Shitty with my hometown friends. Wonderful with the boys friends. Um, lets see. Well no one reads this much so, bye.

ps. i'm not a maker for pimpin_you_lj or fabfreebies anymore. =( Oh well..

I'm not really writing in here anymore.

I have a lot of stuff going on, too busy to write.

I'm a maker at likemagic and _pimpin_your_lj
If you want a graphic done, just ask.

Always, Bethany Lynne.


PS. easy way to get to me.
 JUKEBOX CUPIDS X

Florida<3

I'm home![<3] Florida was a blast. Oh gosh, I love my room mates!<3 and Disney World. I love Tori too!! Ah I had oh so much fun. There are too many things to explain aha. Long Long Week. I was like dying without Eric. I was getting my luggage and he came up behind me and kissed me and then I freaked out! Oh my gosh! I love him. Ahaha he cut his hair! He's bald!! rahhrahh;;

You are...(looks)
[ ] tall
[x] in between
[ ] short

[x]blonde
[x]redhead
[x]brunette
[ ]black

[ ] blue-eyed
[ ] brown-eyed
[x] green-eyed
[ ] hazel eyed
[ ] gold eyed
[ ] grey eyed
[x] glasses
[x] contacts

[ ] braces
[x] freckles
[x] piercings
[ ] tattoos

[ ] long hair
[ ] short hair
[x] med. hair


Your nationality includes...
[ ] Chinese
[x] Indian
[ ] Taiwanese
[ ] Japanese
[ ] Hispanic
[ ] Nicoya
[ ] Puerto Rican
[ ] Chicana
[x] Italian
[ ] Filipino
[x] Dutch
[x] French
[ ] German
[x] Irish
[ ] Greek
[ ] Portuguese
[ ] Polish
[ ] Korean
[ ] Jamacian
[ ] Canadian
[ ] Lithuanian
[ ] Native American
[ ] Russian
[x] British (English)
[ ] African
[ ] Scandanavian
[ ] Armenian
[ ] Finnish
[ ] Haitian
[ ] Hungarian
[x] Scottish
[x] Other


Your favorite color(s) are?
[ ] red
[ ] pink
[ ] yellow
[ ] black
[ ] green
[ ] blue
[X] white
[x] silver
[x] purple
[x] brown
[x] orange
[ ] turquoise


Some sports/physical things you have done?
[x] soccer
[ ] cheerleading
[x] dancing
[ ] lacrosse
[ ] field hockey
[ ] hockey
[ ] football
[ ] softball
[ ] wrestling
[ ] gymnastics
[ ] track/cross country
[x] basketball
[ ] baseball
[ ] golf
[x] playing in the mud
[x] playing music
[x] hiking
[x] kayaking
[x] camping
[x] horseback riding
[ ] marching band
[x] good old-fashion sex

Your personality is sometimes...
[x] annoying
[x] talkative
[x] shy (around new people)
[x] funny
[x] serious
[x] bubbly
[x] spazzy
[x] fun-loving
[x] laid-back
[x] strict
[x] hyper
[x] weird

The music you like is?
[ ] rap
[X] rock
[ ] pop
[x*] country
[ ] hip hop
[ ] r&b
[ ] slow jams
[ ] Christian Rock
[ ] classical
[ ] techno
[x] oldies
[x] the 80s
[ ] punk
[ ] Metal
[x*] reggae
[ ] Goth
[ ] Latin
[ ] 90's Grunge

The pets you have are?
[x] cat
[x] dog
[ ] lizard
[ ] rat
[ ] ferret
[ ] rabbit
[x] fish
[ ] Bird
[ ] other

Clothes you like to wear are?
[x] plain t-shirts
[x] sweatshirts
[x] stockings
[x] high heels
[x] boots
[x] sneakers
[x] jeans
[x] pj pants
[x] boxers
[x] underwear
[x] dresses
[ ] mini skirts
[x] long skirts
[ ] watches
[x] necklace
[ ] hoop earring(s)
[x] toe socks
[x] flip flops
[ ] halter tops
[ ] stilletos
[x] band shirts
[x] shorts
[x] sleeve-less

How do you like to wear your hair?
[x] down
[x] ponytail
[x] pigtails
[x*] messy bun
[x] half ponytail
[x] scrunched/curly (naturally wavy)
[x] bun
[x] crimped
[ ] with a bandana
[x] French braids
[x] lots of little braids
[ ] Gel
[ ] hat
[ ] messy hot guy hair
[ ] sex hair
[ ] fohawk...a fake mohawk

You're mostly labeled as?
[ ] goth
[x] emo
[ ] prep
[ ] punk
[ ] hippie
[x] nerd
[ ] ditzy
[ ] hyper
[ ] happy
[ ] everything
[ ] I'm just me!!!
[ ] I have no idea

You eat?
[ ] dessert every night
[ ] no meat - well no red meat.
[ ] diet stuff
[ ] healthy foods
[x] junk foods
[x] a lot of carbs
[x] lots of meat
[x] salad
[ ] seafood
[x*] Mountain Dew

A typical friday night...
[ ] mall with your friends
[ ] partying
[x] watching movies
[ ] going to the club
[x] staying home
[x] home with your mom
[ ] babysitting and getting $$
[ ] hanging out w/ my friends
[x*] hanging out w/ your boyfriend/girlfriend
[ ] working while your friends are out having fun
[ ] going out to eat

Currently you are...
[x*] in a relationship
[ ] single and lovin it
[ ] crushing
[ ] single and looking for someone
[ ] just broke up... and so sad about it

Did you like this survey?
[ ] yeah
[ ] no!
[ ] it was ok
[x] it was something to do
[ ] it made my life

Sorry I haven't updated and shit..well i've been kind of goin through a bit. so..um i'm still working on some graphics and stuff so..yeah

So, Friday was me and Erics 7 months. Well, this is how it went...Alright, so he called and was like yeah the ring isn't back from being sized yet so I can't give it to you and I said alright and was all bummed out. Then a little later he came over and I was just sittin on the computer chillin' then he said he'd brb and then he came back and put the ring infront of me..and I went nuts and hugged him and kissed him! lol but the ring still doesn't fit ahahaha, well we're getting it sized again. Um, then we went upstairs and hung out a little. We mostly cuddled. We ended up doing other stuff, which if I may say was the most amazing time than ever before. So then I dont remember the rest of the night lol..It was a LONG and lovely night. Then I woke up and he was next to me and I just love the feeling of him being next to me when I just wake up. Then we went downstairs and ate breakfast and stuff, then went grocery shopping and stuff. We came back and cuddled and stuff, then later ate dinner and then watched t.v. for a bit. We went upstairs and cuddled for awhile. Then the worst part of the whole night happened. Him and his old bestfriend *CINDY. Started talking and she was like I OBVIOUSLY want your number and s/n to him and I just lost it. He told her he missed her "soooo much" and then said "i love ya" to her. By then, I was jealous to the MAXX. So, I just took a shower to cool myself off and think a little. I ended up histerically crying. When I got out of the shower I told him "i'm going upstairs" and expected him to come up with me and not just talk to his friends online. But nope, he was still talking to his friends..so then I got REALLY REALLY pissed and just started ignoring him..Then he finally came over to me and asked me why I was ignoring him and I told him what was wrong and he was like me and her are JUST FRIENDS. So I went downstairs and read the messages they sent to eachother. I pretended I was fine and went upstairs just telling myself I was okay. Then I finally just broke and just started crying and telling him EVERYTHING and we solved things but he's STILL going to hang out with her and stuff. I don't mind him hanging out with girls it's just her nickname is CYNDOME. Yeah, slut. We later watched polar express and went to bed and woke up and stuff and then he had to leave. Now I was supposed to go over today and his grandma like hates me and said I couldn't go over. Ugh, I miss him soooo much. I don't know. I'm still kind of worried about him and Cindy though.

Alright, so I am now a maker at Pimpin_your_LJ i'm very excited about that. Well, that's pretty much it. [I know I know, what an amazing entry!]

Wow, I haven't updated in awhile. To all makers that made me graphics. Don't worry i'll credit and put them in my info in a little bit. I've been busy and all I did was just save them, i'll put em on in a lil bit. Anyways, me and Eric are doing great. Today I stayed home from school sick so he came over and took care of me and stuff. I don't know, I love him so much but, all he wants to do is kiss and stuff and I don't want to do that. Well, I mean like it's okay to kiss him and do stuff but not like every 5 seconds. I don't know, I guess I should just let it go or something.

I got..

-100 dollars

-pedicure + manicure

-Karoake machine

-keyboard

-2 pairs of pants

-wicked cool slippers

-20 dollars for target

-promise ring (from eric. didn't get it yet though.
its getting sized :[ )

-Teddy bear (from erics mom)

-Bath stuff (From Erics aunt)

-Another TeddyBear (from Eric)

-Perfume ::So In Love by Victoria's Secret:: (from Eric)

-Scarves mittens and hat

-Blink 182 Greatest Hits CD.

-New Chair for my room

-CLERKS on dvd (from Eric ::first movie we watched together::)

-Candy..

I forget the rest of the stuff I got lol.

Alright so, I went over Erics. His grandma, nana, aunt and mom got me presents. I felt bad only cause I didn't get them anything. Well, I was sad cause I couldn't stay the night. I got home and showed my mom the presents and was laughing and stuff. Then Manda called and I talked to her then I went into my room (that i just cleaned) and my clothes were scattered everywhere, my shelves were cleaned and all my stuff was on my floor, the stuff that was in my closet was torn out of it. Then I was like complaining because of my damn sister and then I started picking it up and put my clothes in my drawer and then started closing my drawers when I noticed that my diary in my top drawer wasn't the way I left it so I went to go downstairs and tell my mom that my sister went through my diary when I noticed my mom sitting at the table and I looked in her hands and there were pages of my diary in her hands and she folded them and got up and through them away. She threw away EVERYTHING. All my pages about me and Erics first date and first kiss. OH MY FUCKING GOD I HATE HER. It's like everytime I start to like her she does something to fuck it up. Why would she go through my diary, when she could've just asked me..?

I don't even know anymore...

Omigosh, I havn't written in awhile. Okay, well. Eric got me a promise ring for christmas it's cute





Hm, yeah We went dress shopping for Krissy's sweet 16. I got the cutest black dress and it has ribbon that ties around my neck. It's adorable. Um, yeah. That's pretty much it.

5 YEARS AGO

How old were you?:
9

What grade were you in?:
4

Where did you go to school?
Gordon W. Mitchell Middle School.

Where did you work?:
Nowhere.

Where did you live?:
E. Bridgewater

Where did you hang out?:
Meghans.

How was your hair style?:
Long, dirty blonde

Did you wear braces?:
Nope

Did you wear glasses?:
Nope

Who was your best friend?
Jessie

Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend:
Um, I don't think I had one.

Who was your regular-person crush:
Um John Solari. Ahaha my fourth grade crush

How many piercings did you have?:
My ears

How many tattoos did you have?:
None

What was your favorite band?:
N'SYNC..or some crazy messed up boyband

What was your biggest fear?
My sister

Had you smoked a cigarette yet?:
Nope

Had you gotten drunk or high yet?:
Nope

Had you driven yet?:
Nope

----------------------------------------------------------------
HA HA HA!!! LETS SEE WHAT YOU ARE NOW !!!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------

How old are you?:
14

What grade are you in?
9th

Where do you go to school?:
E. Bridgewater Highschool.

Where do you work?:
Um, nowhere cause i'm
dumb and don't want a
job yet.

Where do u live?
E. Bridgewater

Where do you hang out?
My house, Erics or Nashlees

How is your hair style?:
Shortish, red with blonde and brown highlights.

Do you wear braces?:
Nope

Do you wear glasses?:
Sometimes.

Who is your best friend?
Jessie

Who is your boyfriend/girlfriend?:
Eric<33

Who is your celebrity crush?:
Sean Astin<3

Who is your regular-person crush?:
Eric<33

How many piercings do you have?:
2

How many tattoos do you have?:
0

What's your favorite band?
Hollywood Undead

What is your biggest fear?:
Chainsaws and losing Eric

Have you smoked a cigarette yet?:
no

Have you gotten drunk or high yet?:
yes

Have you driven yet?:
Nope

Alright, so school is delayed for 2 hours.

Anyways, Jimmy likes me. I'm excited about that.
Um, I'm going over Nashlee's laterr to get my
hair done. I hope her mom will help a lil lol.
Um, I found out what I want to do when I grow up.
I would like to be a firefighter. Um, yepp.
That's about it.